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He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. You can't have everything, where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other
person. This day is not a rehearsal. It is real. What you choose to do with it will have lasting consequences for you and for those around you. It is an awesome responsibility and a tremendous opportunity. Give it the best you have.
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead." At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am. But I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late. "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
I wish I'd Said That.... I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall." ~Eleanor Roosevelt Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ... and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~Les Dawson By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~Alex Levine Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~Ed Furgol Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. ~Henny Youngman I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. ~Mark Twain Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. ~Joe Namath Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope A woman drove me to drink .. and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. ~W.C. Fields I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ~W.C. Fields It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. ~George Burns We could certainly slow aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Unknown Don't worry about avoiding temptation... As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Unknown Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But ...everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~Unknown Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ~Unknown The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good .. spit it out. ~Unknown
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. ~Unknown
* * * * * * * *
A group of frogs were
traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All
the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit
was, they told the unfortunate frogs they would never get out. * Authors Unknown * * * * * * *
PRESCRIPTION FOR HAPPINESS Attributed to Robert Louis Stevenson Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. Don't take yourself too seriously. You can't please everybody; don't let criticism worry you. Don't let your neighbor set your standards. Do the things you enjoy doing, but stay out of debt. Don't borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than the actual ones. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish enmities and grudges. Don't hold post-mortems. Don't spend your life brooding over sorrows and mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. Keep busy at something. A very busy person never has time to be unhappy. * * * * * * * * * Following are not quotes but I think they are
interesting and I hope you will like them too. A friend of mine sent
these to me in an e-mail so I don't know who they originated from (if
you know, please email me with the author's name):
When I have Time When I have time, so many things I'll do * * * * * * * * * * * It has
been said that our anxiety - Charles
Haddon Spurgeon A healthy attitude is contagious ~
Author Unknown ~ Age is a quality of mind; If you have left your dreams behind, If hope is cold, If you no longer look ahead, If your ambition's fires are dead, Then you are old.
But, if from life you take the best, And if in life you keep the zest, If love you hold, No matter how the years go by, No matter how the birthdays fly, You are not old. ~
Author Unknown ~
Never mind yesterday, lay it away! Never mind anything over and done, Here is a new moment, lit with new sun. ~
Author Unknown ~ All life is immortality; all work eternally significant. Every worthwhile man who ever has lived has made plans bigger than his own lifetime. Bruce Barton * * * * * * * * * * * Cheerfulness means a contented spirit; a pure heart, a kind and loving disposition; it means humility and charity, a generous appreciation of others, and a modest opinion of self. Thackeray * * * * * * * * * * *
My little butterfly's came from Flutterfly's. Unless
otherwise noted, Copyrights (c) are retained by S & B Crafts on all
existing art, images and graphics located in this site. All Rights
Reserved.
This site originated on December 30, 1999 |
